Getting Naked

It so happens, that many times in your life you encounter a song that can be so catchy that you wouldn't even know what the lyricist is making you sing.

For instance, I loved choli ke peeche kya hain, but sitting in the park, we couldn't really sing it on the top of our lungs. We knew we would be singing something that could put us behind bars for harassing women.
Oh, how we needed that song sometimes. Needed it.

Especially during antakshari, it used to be such a helpful song. One of the very few songs we know that begins with “ch”. But no, we had to curb our enthusiasm by humming the tune in place of the words. So it would seem to the friendly neighborhood aunty that we were basically asking ,mmmmm mmmmm peeche kya hain? mmm mm peeche. The aunties never did look back, but always nodded in silent agreement that we had stuck to the code.

With English songs too it was always a problem. I wince at this faint memory I have every time I think about it. I was a highly naive ten year old, who was happily oblivious to the more controversial terms of that time. By controversial terms I mean gay, lesbian, boner and before I get embarrassed typing more out, I'm hoping you're getting the drift here. Right? I mean if you are not, then I think you would need to browse the internet more often. When I was that age, we used to refer to them as non-veg terms. Now, I don't know which sadistic pure vegetarian brahmin decided to make dirty and non-veg synonyms, but to you I say, you are a (insert non-veg term here).

So getting back to my painful story, there I was in the middle of my living room, dancing away to NOW 43 tunes. Now people of my generation will instantly know the NOW series, for the others, NOW was a collection of hit songs and remixes that were popular at that time. They were hits "NOW". Yes, the nomenclature was a no brainer for the record company.

So one particular song started playing, and my six years older brother and mother started watching my moves curiously. I had my hands stuck to my head, with the first and middle finger pointing out like a V. How cute right? Acting like a little deer, bouncing around and being what a 10 year old is good at. Being cute. The only issue was that I, the little cherub, was dancing on a song called , "I'm horny". So there I was gyrating in the middle of my living room, mouthing the words I'm horny, horny, horny, horny,  to my brother and mother, unaware that it does not mean having horns but having other desires. Other non-veg desires. 

Please do not laugh.

It's not funny. 

It's in fact unfair.
Why do musicians insist on having catchy tunes to lyrics that are not "proper”?

Look at the trouble it might get young kids in. 

Not like my mother chided me for dancing to the song, but it's an embarrassing memory that I have to live with.

Thank you Mr.Mouse T producer of "I'm Horny". You and that Mr. Pitbul sure know how to do this to our pure little brains.

Like take Mr. Pitbul for instance. He is excellent at such songs. They are like catchy old folk songs that should be sung at a mating ritual.

Lyrics from two of his popular songs;

Hotel room service:
Forget about your boyfriend, and meet me at the hotel room. 

(Here he insists on me cheating on my boyfriend.)
You can bring your girlfriends , and meet me at the hotel room.

(So first he tempts me with his "charming" pick up lines, and then he uses me as a gateway to my friends. How unfair.)

Give me everything tonight:
Put it on my lap, baby
I make you feel right, baby 

(What the hell does he want me to put on his lap? And I'll add that this is a rhetorical question. Please do not offer an explanation in my comments box. I am well aware of what he might want on his lap.)

We can also thank Mr. Akon, whose lyrics are so primitive that I wonder if he's ever heard of a dictionary. It’s like looking at notes from the diary of a bird watcher. The bird here happens to be a chick. Pun very much intended.

Lyrics from Nosy Neighbor
But what if she knows that I am spying on her
Would she strip down naked and entertain me
Oh my god she's doing it

(Here he openly confesses to being a pervert)

Taking it off Taking it off Taking it off Taking it off Taking it off 

( She, unaware of peeping Akon here, takes off five pieces of clothing)

She's getting naked; She's getting naked; She's getting naked; She's getting naked; 

( She takes 20 seconds to get naked, in those 20 seconds does he really need to say it four times?)

She threw her shirt (off on the floor) 

(Notice his eye for details)
Then threw her bra (off on the floor) 

(It’s a strip tease commentary. Never heard one before.)
The threw her skirt (off on the floor)
Then threw her drawers (off on the floor) 
I can't believe (she's getting naked)

I can't believe (she's getting naked)

I can't believe (she's getting naked)

I can't believe (she's getting naked) 

(By the fourth time Mr. Akon, You should really believe she's getting naked. You've said it five times already for God's sake. She’s naked. Ok. We get it. You’re excited.)

And I can promise you this, if you’ve ever heard this song, it’s extremely haunting. By the end of the song it's stuck in your head. You'll be walking past your boss or teacher crooning about how you can't believe she's getting naked.
I’m serious about this.

Do you know someone actually said that music is the infatuation you feel when you meet someone attractive and it's only once you know the lyrics do you know the soul of a song. It's only then you can love a song. Whoever said it, would also believe that today, musicians use the music to disguise that lack of soul. The lack of sensible lyrics.


Maybe after you strip the song off all the extra chords and gibberish words and the oohs and the yeahs, peel off all the layers of extra instruments at work , to reach the naked melody; maybe after all that,  you would see it never had any soul. 


So next time you are singing along, maybe you should pay a bit of attention to what you are saying. Yes, music needs no words, no language, and sometimes I wish it wasn't given any. We might have for ourselves better songs.


Till then, like Mr. Akon, you can sing along to believe she's getting naked. She's getting naked. She's getting naked. She's getting naked. Yes, she's still getting naked.